Even though weed does kind of grow on trees, it isn’t exactly cheap. So that pothead philanthropy of yours can become somewhat costly.

It’s easy to make friends when you’re the one who always has a little marijuana in their back pocket. Next to a pizza delivery driver, the person holding weed is perhaps the most beloved character at any party. And, if we’re being honest, it can feel pretty good, too — to play high host, to give the gift of getting stoned, when there are so many cannabis connoisseurs out there who might go to bed tonight without a buzz. It’s a damn shame, really.

Considering that recreational marijuana is still mostly outlawed in the United States, it is heartbreaking to think about how many people are not getting the high nutrition that they need to get through the day. But lo and behold, there you are, always prepared to share the wealth with those less fortunate in the cannabis department. 

Unfortunately, even though weed does kind of grow on trees, it isn’t exactly cheap to cultivate or buy outright from the neighborhood weed store. So that pothead philanthropy of yours can become somewhat costly, and let’s face it, the IRS isn’t going to accept it as a charity write off. The only thing left to do in this situation is to disconnect from the marijuana mooches and put an end, once and for all, to the free weed. But how does one go about doing this without losing all of their friends? 

For starters, if people are only hanging around because they expect you will get them high at some point, well, those people are not your friends. They are just hangers-on, deadbeats and leeches. These are the bottom feeders that use others to get what they want without ever contributing at all to the relationship. So it makes all the sense in the world that removing these soul suckers from your life is not only going to benefit your weed surplus and bank account, it will also open you up to more people who actually like you regardless of how generous you are with a bag of dope. 

Getting rid of weed leeches is easy: Just stop breaking out the weed whenever they stop by. Or better yet, beat them to the punch. Tell these people that you are going through some hard times right now — a lost job, child support increase, whatever — and was wondering if they had any weed to spare. Let them know that you have absolutely no money to kick in, but would be eternally grateful if they could provide you with a pro-bono buzz until you get back on your feet. The true mooches will see that you are no longer the almighty honey pot and start showing up less and less.

If you grow your own weed, which is something that people are doing in many of the states that have legalized the leaf, cutting ties with a marijuana mooch could prove challenging. You might feed them a line about falling on hard times, but the sweet smell of buds wafting up from the basement will tell another tale. But it’s like this: Give a man a joint, and you get him high for a day. Teach a man to grow weed, and you get him stoned for a lifetime. So, that’s your out.

Let the mooches know that it is super expensive to cultivate cannabis plants at home and that while you do not mind sharing on occasion, you have not made such a substantial investment just to give it all away. But let them know that you are more than happy to show them exactly what they need to start growing weed on their own. Hell, you could even provide them with a starter plant, scribble down some basic instructions on a napkin and wish them luck right out the door. 

Whatever you do, don’t feel bad for cutting off the mooches. It is nice to share our good fortune with the people we like and care about, but most of the time, those people, our true friends, have plenty to offer us in return. Sure, you might have the weed hookup, but they are covering their end by providing food and fellowship. That’s more than fair. Seriously, friendship is a two-way street, and anyone who just shows up all the time and expects a freebie probably doesn’t deserve your generosity.